I was looking at pictures of Barcelona on Facebook yesterday that someone else posted, and I realized how far away or maybe long ago my memories of my life there felt. It has only been 1.5 months but I feel like it has been forever. I don’t spend much time thinking about Barcelona anymore. After I came back from the States, I think I had a much harder time settling back into my life in Germany. I think that may have been because I did enjoy living in the States more than I did living in Spain, but also due to how my life in Germany was before I left and after I came back.

Moving to the States was like a much-needed break from my life in Germany, especially in Heidelberg. It gave me a year to come to terms with some things that had happened in Heidelberg, and to come to terms with myself. I wasn’t a very happy person throughout the first two years of university, and Norman provided a sort of escape for me.

After I got back, things really got much better, I had a new perspective on life, and while it felt like starting over again in Heidelberg, this time it went really well, I was able to take the positivity of my life in Norman back to Heidelberg. I think that is part of why I missed Norman so much. It was really the beginning of a much better life for myself.

Now when I went to Spain, while it was nice to get a break from small-town life, I didn’t need it so much. I had a job I liked, school was going better, I had good friends. Barcelona was like putting my life in Heidelberg on hold for a year. It was a great experience, but it simply wasn’t as important to me as Norman was.

And since I’ve been back from Spain, I just feel great here. I am doing an internship. I am spending the summer in Munich, my hometown and a place I see with different eyes, that I know to appreciate now after not having lived here for so long. I have found a place to live in Heidelberg, I will get my job back, and I [most likely] have an internship secured for my next semester break. I have good friends. I feel like everything is falling into place, I am finding my spot in life, and I am content with what I have.

There is simply no need to miss the past because I am happy with the present. Not everything is perfect, of course, whose life is? But I am content with the now and excited about the next few months. I feel like the older I get, the more comfortable I am with myself as a person. I am not happy with everything about myself, but I am proud of my achievements, I am more outgoing, I know I deserve good things, I am willing to work for them, and I appreciate what I have. I feel like I am slowly finding my place in the world. There is no need to live in the past, and while I will never be the kind of person who lives purely in the moment [I do like to plan, to know where I will be in a few months], I am enjoying my life right now.

This entry was posted on Sunday, August 17th, 2008 at 14:02 and is filed under Life. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.