This year has really been a rollercoaster so far. I have had a couple extremely good things happen, and one extremely bad thing.

I try not to think about that bad thing - J.J. dying, because it makes me incredibly sad. It has been 8 days now, but when I think about it, it doesn’t feel like any time has gone by. I cannot even grasp the idea that he won’t be there any more, when I go back home in March. You see, all the time that I lived in that house, since 1996, J.J. has been there. I cannot imagine him never sitting outside the patio door anymore, looking at me or whoever would walk by, asking to be let inside. I usually feel okay, because during the day I am busy and have other things on my mind, but especially when I am lying in bed, I think of J.J. and I get so sad. :(

Well, I should write about something good now, because life hasn’t been all sucky, ya know? Since I came back here after Christmas, I have been working more hours each week. I now work Thursday afternoon (4 hours), and Friday & Saturday morning (2 - 2.5 hours each). I still pack the books that are returned to publishing houses on Thursday (Remittenden), and now I also do the book wholesaler’s input (Barsortiment-Eingang). That means: when a customer orders a book, it is delivered the next day, and I am the person who unpacks all those books, and puts them into the system, and then sorts them by customer, and takes them to the store. The work is mostly simple, it’s just a pain when the publisher or the title isn’t in the system already, then I have to put that in the system as well. Another exciting thing is that I seem to have gotten a pay raise. I was paid €7.50 (up from €7.00) an hour. I wasn’t told of the raise, I just found out about it through the paystub (the pay was off from what I expected), but I guess our accounting department knows what they’re doing. I assume it is either because I have been working there for 7 months now (December, when I got the raise, was my 7th month), or because business went really well for our store the past year. Either way, I am really excited, and I hope this is permanent.

Speaking of job, my brother told me he got a job with the German Post Service working as a mailman on Saturdays. I cannot say I would want to do that job, especially when it is raining or snowing, but the pay is really good, and I hope he will like it, because having some extra money is always good.

School has been going okay, although it is a stressful time of the year. I have three weeks of classes left, and finals are coming up. I had an Italian exam last week, and I think it went better than the last one, and since I passed that, I should be okay. My motivation to study for Italian is pretty much non-existant, because I do not need this class, am just taking it because it would be good for me, but not because I am required to. At the same time, if I failed it, it would have been a big waste of time. Next week I have a Spanish test coming up, and Spanish is a class I actually need to pass, so cross your fingers. I have four finals, one on the 31st, one on the 1st, and two on the 7th. It really sucks that I have my Spanish and Italian finals on the same day, but what can I do.

I got my Sansa [mp3 player] last week, and I really like it. It is very small and light, and I put plenty of music on it. I haven’t even had to recharge it yet. I also bought a silicone case for it to protect it, and a USB charging adapter, so I don’t have to charge it through my laptop.

Along with those two, I ordered the first season of Grey’s Anatomy on DVD. That is such an amazing show. I always read Grey Matter, the Grey’s Writers’ blog, and it is such a good read. I read the latest post after I watched Thursday’s episode, and it really made me cry.

I believe that where there is darkness there is light. I believe that from death comes life. I believe that in the face of great pain, families become closer. Friendships become deeper. Life becomes sweeter. And I believe it’s important to be reminded of the loss of love so that we will value and honor the love we have while have it.

That one really hit home. I wish I could think that positively about death, but it is really hard for me.

Finally, you may have heard about Kyrill, the windstorm that swept across Germany on Thursday night. Heidelberg got away pretty well, but some other parts of Germany lost power, and the storm did some pretty bad damage in many places. Hundreds of flights were canceled in Germany, and all train connections were suspended for the night. 45 people died, 11 of which in Germany, mostly in traffic accidents, but in Munich a toddler was hit by a patio door that came loose and died. So tragic! I cannot imagine what the parents must be going through!
Yesterday it took me an hour to get to work, instead of 30 minutes, because traffic was so bad on the highway, the bus was just crawling, took me 30 minutes just to get into Heidelberg when usually it’s supposed to take 8 minutes. I think one of the traffic lights was torn off, because there was one missing and the entire intersection had no traffic lights. And there was police and a car on a towing truck, so I guess there had been an accident.

Well, I will let you go, because I need to get some things done for school, since I slept all afternoon (had a headache). I hope you’re having a good weekend.

It’s not easy for me to say this, because it hurts a lot, but J.J. died on Friday, January 12th. It seems, all this was too much for him, having bladder stones, and the surgery, the antibiotics, the cold. I was hoping so much he’d be okay, but it wasn’t meant to be. As you all can probably imagine I am really upset over this, I cried so much yesterday, and I am crying now as I write this. I loved this cat so much, he was like a family member to me. And I have a hard time dealing with loss, I can’t let go easily.

I know he was old and he had a good life, but that doesn’t make the pain go away. I didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye. I didn’t know that last Saturday was going to be the last time I’d see him.

I am glad he died naturally, and wasn’t put to sleep, because it was really his time to go, but I will miss him so much. I wish he had had more time. I spent almost half my life with him in it, and it’s so hard to think he won’t be part of it any more. I moved away from home over four years ago, but every time I was home, I was so happy to see him, and he was so attached to me as well, like he would only come to me for food (when our neighbors were on vacation). He used to stay in my room, when I was up late, and sit right next to my desk chair, or sit next to me on the couch in the living room. Whenever you got yourself something to eat, he’d come right to you to see if it was something he’d like, and sit there like he was just waiting for a piece to fall to the floor. When he was outside and would want to come in, he’d hop onto this fence-like thing (for plants like ivy to grow on), that would in turn tap against the window, like he tried asking us to open the door for him. I still have this tiny scar on my hand from when he scratched me once like 8-9 years ago, I am glad now that I have it, because it’ll remind me of J.J.

I will end this here, because the more I write about it and the more I think about it, the more upset I get. I knew this would happen one day, but I didn’t expect it so soon. I will miss him so much when I am home and he won’t come around to our house anymore. I will never be able to pet him anymore, he had such long and soft fur.

He was such a beautiful cat.